Monday, December 31, 2007

We all make mistakes. Even Mean Gene. On a live pay per view.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDJz1yYMEgM

More Most Irritating Songs

1. T.Rex - "Ride A White Swan"
It's like Marc Bolan got away before the mortician was finished ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9rFoPyqFoA&feature=related


2. Mika - "Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)"
Campy and fun!!! Must be listened to very loudly.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcRiXOONqf0

3. Idle Eyes - "Toyoko Rose"
Just for the chorus alone ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJR8lkE5fQo

4. Gowan - "Strange Animal"
This guy took over for Dennis DeYoung in Styx. It must have been his kicking ability that sealed the deal. (Keep your eyes open for the semi-naked Indian cartoon guy who later showed up in the Doors movie.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAxlmdTJ7S8

5. Talk Talk - "It's My Life"
The morbidly depressed usually go to the zoo to watch the elephants.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvAVJTQeFiQ

6. Raffi - "Banana Phone"
Using Garry's Mod, here is a delightful and vulgar turn on the lovable children's song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neKXc7pw4go

7. Paul McCartney - "Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey"
Now I know what the drummer from Boston is doing. I love how he decides he needs some type of microphone :51 in. Then the cellphone. Then the beer. (He doesn't seem confident on the lyrics.) Sorry ladies, he's married.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJw3Wm7y_GY

Sunday, December 30, 2007

The funniest "Most Irritating Songs to Try and Get all the Way Through":

(It's tempting to include the usual offenders - "My Humps" or "Milkshake" or anything by Nickelback ... but what fun would that be?)

1. Sparks - "This Town Ain't Big Enough for the Both of Us"
Adam Wood's new favorite song ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ax8JYmoRhy4

2. Charlene - "I've Never Been to Me"
This couplet says it all - "I spent my life exploring, the subtle whoring ...".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-vx4GcjASE

3. Coven - "One Tin Solider"
And the cartoon film that comes with it ... complete with sound effects!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qa2vowp4Qdw&feature=PlayList&p=DAADE5F955B76663&index=51

4. Peter, Bjorn & John - "Young Folks"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51V1VMkuyx0

5. Donna Summer - "MaCarthur Park"
The Karoke version so we can finally figure out who f*cking left the cake out in the rain!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaZim6ybvdA&feature=related

6. Boney M - "Rasputin"
"But to Moscow chicks ... he was such a lovely dear!" Nobody remebers Boney M.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvDMlk3kSYg

7. Minnie Riperton - "Lovin' You"
There are notes sung in this song so high that only dogs can hear. I love the Cat Stevens/Dan Hill looking dude playing guitar in the backgroud ... next to the f*cking birdcage.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uU6aYNXnUk

Friday, December 28, 2007

Best CDs of 2007

2006 was a great year for new music. Cheap Trick, Ben Folds, The Darkness, had new albums, while Ben Folds and the Barenaked Ladies had 2 each! I also discovered some lost treasures with CDs by The Left Banke, Diamond Head, Starz, Babe Ruth and some very early Hall & Oates material.

2007 wasn't quite as good for the new stuff, as I seemed to gather mostly used greatest hits collections of artists previously resigned to my record collection - Randy Newman, Led Zeppelin, Rod Stewart, Leon Russell, Led Zeppelin, The Monkees & the Eagles.

With it being said, there were some unexpected treats and some rare finds!

Here are my ten favorite CDs of this year:

10.The Best of The First 10 Years Elvis Costello
Three years ago, I would not have bought this disc. Before the last couple of years, I rarely bought greatest hits collections on CD.
Believe it or not, greatest hits seemed like a waste of money. If I liked an artist, I was destined to get as many of their studio albums as I possibly could rendering the token greatest hits album as useless. (Besides, most groups are so much better than their 'hits' & their best songs are rarely the one played on the radio ... Cheap Trick & Alice Cooper being the best examples!)
However, three years ago, in the process of moving, I gave away all my Elvis Costello CDs! I gave them as a going away present to a very generous & dear friend who loved EC ... but who rarely indulged herself in anything.
I miss the CDs ... but I miss my friend much more.
Ironically, the majority of my LP collection still sits in the attic of this dear friend's house ... which is one of the reasons I've started buying more greatest hits collections.
So when I saw this disc in Best Buy, the songs started ringing in my head again.
Describing Elvis Costello songs is like describing classic literature or expensive wines: some of them are really frickin' good, but there's no to describe them without sounding pretentious or dull.
While Elvis is best known for his first three albums, I highly recommend his 80's stuff the most. Keyboard player Steve Nieve started using piano primarily instead of the shrill organ sound the Elvis's more recognized work has.

This songs on the disc bring back great memories: Baby Adam dancing up a storm in his car seat to 'Everyday I Write The Book' ... buying This Year's Model on cassette in November 1990 at Zellers in the Normanview Mall ... swapping a Bad Religion CD to get '94's Brutal Youth, which my friend Jay Demers described as the ultimate trade of the "proven veteran versus the up-in-coming rookie prospect".

Start to finish, this CD reminds of what made Elvis Costello so great: Strong melodies, sharp lyrics, dynamic bridges, and catchy chorus. I hope that Leah Cook still agrees. (If she doesn't, maybe I can get my CDs back!)
9. Afterwords Collective Soul

I first heard Collective Soul in college. The afore-mentioned Jay Demers was Music Director of the college radio station. (A position I later inherited from him.) Atlantic records flooded the college radio market with dozens of copies of their first album Hints, Allegations, and Things Left Unsaid, and Mr. Demers was nice enough to provide me with a cassette version. (This mass marketing of new music happened a lot with college radio. I remember Interscope sending thirty copies of No Doubt's Tragic Kingdom and at first, we couldn't even give them away ... but I digress.)

I bought their second cassette in 1995. (Along with 4 David Bowie tapes, Collective Soul is the only music I've ever bought in Prince Albert, Saskatchewan.)
Purchased in Seattle, Washington ... this is only CD that Kristin Wood has bought this year. Not too shabby of a success rate!

Collective Soul has this great guitar sound.(Having three guitar players will do that.) They also know how to build a song. My favorite is "What I can Give You" ... a song similar in style to the '95's "December".
I haven't listened this as much as I should. But I enjoy it when it's on. Maybe Collective Soul's new label will track me down, and send me multiple copies so I can share them with you!
8. Boston (Re-Issue) Boston

Once of my earliest musical memories involves the iconic album cover to your left.
It had to have been '78 or '79, and I was in the electronics section of the Brandon Wolco with my older cousin Alan. (The musical dork in me knows that it had to be almost 3 years since this album debuted, and I still find it amazing that the record racks were still full with copies of this album.)
As most kids hooked on Star Wars and Battlestar Galactica, the flying rocket guitar-space ship and the exploding planet below were absolutely hypnotic.

I first bought this tape in 1985. An entry in a book about hard bock included that same logo'd space ship guitar fleeing an imploding earth ... and I was again hooked enough to find it the local Audio Warehouse.

There are few pop culture moments more ingrained in my head than hearing the chorus to "More Than a Feeling" for the first time. Forget "Stairway to Heaven" or "Hey Jude" or whatever ... this is the single greatest song of all time. It contains contains rock's greatest chord progression: G - C - Em - D.
(Useless trivial information alert --- the lyrics to the chorus include a reference to "When I hear that old song they used to play ...". I just read in a Rolling Stone article in which Tom Scholz says "that old song" was in reference to "Walk Away Rene" by the Left Banke ... an "old song" I discovered on a Left Banke greatest hits album last year. )

I guess it comes full circle - a 13 year old kid listening to an old 70's song - which is actually about an old 60's song that he would finally hear twenty one years later. (Okay, that was convoluted.)

This album was re-mastered for the album's 30th anniversary last year. It's great to have an up-to-date version to hear it all - the layers and layers of guitars, the layers and layers of singer Brad Delp, the hand claps and the organs.

The rise of classic rock radio has kind of hurt this album. Parts of it seem to be playing somewhere constantly. It makes me laugh because when I first started listening to it, nobody played classic rock where I lived. It was all Billy Ocean and Mr. Mister and Starship.
7. Long Road Out of Eden Eagles
On September 15th, 2007, it looked like the Colorado Rockies season was finished. They were 4 1/2 games back in the Wild Card race.
They proceeded to win 13 of 14 to force a one-game playoff which they won in the bottom of the 13th, after being down by 2 runs. Then they swept Philadelphia and Arizona to get to their first World Series.

There, they were anti-climatically swept in four games by the Red Sox.

This 2-CD release is the equivalent to both that amazing run and the Rockies' eventual sweep. It's exciting and disappointing ... both at the same time.
After 27 years, it's awesome that the Eagles got back together for an all new record & and the concept of 20 brand new Eagles' songs is fantastic. The performances are strong, the songs enjoyable ... but Long Road Out of Eden is not as good as the rest of Eagles high regarded back catalog, and that's ends up distracting me from really enjoying it.

How do you compete with Hotel California or On the Border?

The Eagles have such a diverse fan base with so many expectations. Lots of these new songs seemed like they're aimed at the various segments the Eagles need to satisfy: the die hard fans, the folks that love the classic rock sound of Hotel California or The Long Run, people who love the laid-back older stuff, those who are probably familiar most with Don Henley's solo work, and lastly ... the country radio that's most likely to play them.
All these areas are touched upon and mixed together. "How Long" is "Already Gone" for contemporary country radio. Ditto for the mash-up of "New Kid in Town" & the 1980's for "What Do I Do With My Heart?".
Note the End of the Innocence styled fun of "Busy Being Fabulous" while "Fast Company" is vintage The Long Run Don Henley, and the title track is subconsciously reminiscent of a slower paced "Hotel California". Timothy B. Schmit & Joe Walsh return to familiar ground with their turns at bat.
And just like the Rockies streak, there are many great moments here. Listening to that old familiar harmony is just like forcing a wild card game on the last day of the season ... while the bridge of "Waiting In the Weeds" is the musical equivalent to Matt Holliday sliding in safe to win the game in the bottom of 13th.

However, the second disc fails to hold up the momentum. The activist Don Henley returns with"Long Road out of Eden". ("How long's your pony tail, now, Don?".) By the time Joe Walsh shows up with "Last Good Time in Town", things have taken a maudlin turn. Not even this goofy Ordinary Average Guy sound-alike can lift the mood. As you can get to last song, "It's Your World Now", you realize that this is it.

It's not that this album isn't good ... it's just that it has a lot to live up to and anything less can feel like a sweep at the hands of Manny Ramirez and company.
6. The Soft Parade (Re-Issue) The Doors
Re-issues are great. Things sound brighter, crisper. You swear you hear stuff you never heard before.
Then there's the line of this year's Doors re-releases ... where you literally hear stuff you never heard before. Alternate vocals, guitars, keyboards and drums were discovered from the original multi-track recordings, and together with an amazing sound clarity, you get to enjoy these six albums almost like it's the first time.
I've got this album and L.A. Woman in re-issue, at first bought to round out my Doors CD collection. I wasn't expecting to be as blown away as I was. Listening to it on headphones makes me feel like I'm there in the studio with the band. (Which is kind of disturbing thought if you remember the scene from the movie where they record this album. Picturing Meg Ryan and Val Kilmer "otherwise engaged" in the vocal booth during "The Soft Parade" is a little much, I must admit.)
This album is rarely mentioned in the same breath as their debut or Strange Days. It was knocked a fair amount during the time for its' horns and strings. Rolling Stone called it sad. That makes me enjoy a lot more.

Thanks to Oliver Stone, people forget that the Doors had a sense of humor. (Listen to the double live Doors record if you doubt it: "You can pick your teeth with a New York joint!")

This album is full of entertaining bits & jaunty melodies, particularly the title track. This is my favorite Doors song, a pretty strong statement considering the number of iconic tunes the Doors had.
Almost ten minutes long, what makes the song so fun is that it's veritable quote fest. "When I was back there in seminary school ... someone put forth to the proposition that you can petition the Lord with prayer. You can not petition the Lord with Prayer!" and "Carrying babies to the river!" and "When all else fails, we can whip the horse's eyes, and make them sleep ... and cry!"

The naughty sounding lines of "... love your neighbour ... 'til his wife gets home!" and "The monk bought lunch. He bought a 'little'! Yes, he did !" were quoted by Irishman Laurence Naylor and myself ad nausem in the fall of 1995.
Another high point is "Runnin' Blue", a Dylanesque-Basement Tapes sounding jig which is actually about Otis Redding's passing at the time. We also get bonus tracks like the goofy "Push Push" which sounds like jazz bar band five minutes before closing time!

I'd love to see other bands get the same treatment as this re-issue series. My next choice ... Kenny Rogers and the First Edition! I'm sure there's parts of "Ruby, Don't Take Your Love to Town" or "Just Dropped In (To See what Condition My Condition Was In)" that need to be unearthed! ;)
5. Duit on Mon Dei & Sandman (Re-Issue) Harry Nilsson
Cost efficiency is often a requirement for purchasing the CD version of albums I already own.
This "two-fer" features two Nilsson albums from the mid-seventies, reasonably priced for my enjoyment!
For the uninitiated, Harry Nilsson is known for some combination of following five things:

a) his Grammy winning cover of Badfinger's "Without You"
b) his Grammy winning cover of Fred Neil's "Everybody's Talking" for The Midnight Cowboy film.
c) his song "Coconut" used in Reservior Dogs.
d) being a member of the short lived "Holloywood Vampires" drinking club that included John Lennon, Mickey Dolenz, Alice Cooper and Ringo Starr.
e) getting kicked out of the Troubadour night club in Hollywood with a very drunk John Lennon for heckling the Smother Brothers ... while wearing tampons on their heads.

What Nilsson is less remembered for is his diverse catalog, his dynamic songwriting, his four octave voice, and his sense of humor.
His 1975 album Duit it on Mon Dei is the perfect example of Nilsson's style: raunchy, goofy, dramatic, and entertaining. From the goofy opener "Jesus Christ You're Tall" to the regal "Salmon Falls" and the boogie shuffle of "It's a Jungle Out There" and "Kojak Columbo" ... Nilsson manages to go from comedian to crooner and back again.

Despite recently recovering from a ruptured vocal cord, Nilsson managed to record the vocals live with his all star studio band. (Which included Ringo Starr, Klaus Voorman, Jim Keltner, Van Dyke Parks, and Dr. John.) There's a feeling like a giant party is going on. (That's because there constantly was some type of drinking and partying going on!)
Also included on this disc is 1976's Sandman. One of Harry's best ... this work marks the return of Harry's multi-layered voice. (Like Brad Delp of Boston, Nilsson did all of his own background and harmony vocals.)

The songs are some of Harry's best. In a time of David Soul and Pablo Cruise, I can't figure out how the grooving, string-heavy ballad "Something True" wasn't a top ten smash. The laid-back "Here's Why I Did Not Go to Work" sounds like it was recorded in a smokey jazz club, while the sarcastic "How to Write a Song" wouldn't be out of place on an episode of the Muppet Show. (Minus the line "Let's assume you're just an @sshole, and there's nothing in your brain ..." of course.)

There's no shortage of Nilsson's usual comedy: "The Ivy Covered Walls" features Harry "accompanied" by a college glee club. "The Flying Saucer Song" is a goofy skit involving two drunks at a bar, with both parts voiced by Nilsson.

These albums aren't for everybody. A parental advisory should be included: "This album includes liberal usage of Steel Drums". As well, Nilsson isn't immune to scatting. Some of the melodies can be a little off-putting, and Nilsson's recovering voice hits some ugly notes here and there.
Mrs Wood, for instance, is not a big Nilsson fan.
She fails to see the cost efficiency of purchasing any Nilsson's work. And considering her 2007 success rate on buying CDs, it's hard to argue with her!
4. Magic Bruce Springsteen

I first heard this CD in the office of co-worker (and noted Springsteen aficiando) Kathy Cook. Months later, I heard it while in browsing in Budget Music and Video in Minot.
So when my mother-in-law kindly gave me a Christmas gift card for Best Buy, this was the first CD I bought.

The reviews have played up Springsteen's return to his 70's sound. I also notice that many of the songs remind me of other artists as well ... without being derirative or committing the Ray Parker Jr. sin of directly ripping somebody off. ("I ain't 'fraid of no ghosts" ... but litigation scares the sh*t out of me.)

Take the first song "Radio Nowhere" . (It sounds kind of like Tommy Tutone changing the lyrics to "867-5309/Jenny" and trying sing it how like Bruce Springsteen would.)

Another great tune is "Living in The Future" ... which sounds like a mixture of "Hungry Heart" & "Glory Days". (My great friend and noted Springsteen aficinado Chris O'Donnell - not the actor - once claimed that when his wife asked how his day went ... he managed to quote the entire first verse and the complete chorus to "Glory Days" as if it were conversation.)
"Your Own Worst Enemy" is Elvis Costello circa 1989. 90's Tom Petty is channelled in "I'll Work for Your Love". The title track and "Devils's Arcade" are what the Boss would sound like with either Rick Rubin or Bob Ezrin behind the board.
I just bought this three days ago, and yet it feels like I've been listening to it for ages. Maybe it's all that time in Kathy Cook's office!
3. Cold Spring Harbor (Re-Issue) Billy Joel

Billy Joel's early career is the very definition of persistance.
Billy's first band, The Hassles, made a couple of late sixties releases.
After a cover of Sam & Dave's "You Got me Hummin' " failed to crack the top 100, the band broke up and Billy and the drummer, Jon Small formed what only can be described as a "power duo" ... Small on drums and Billy on vocals and organ. Imagine Cream or Hendrix ... just with an organ instead of guitars.
In 1970, they released what is often referred to as one of worst albums of all time.
The cover itself is worth the price of admission. Small & Joel, dressed in medival armour, standing amid a meat locker of raw beef.
The music sounds like Deep Purple ... if their guitar amps weren't working.
Joel's voice is the same one that helped sell millions of albums ten years later.
However, his Long Island slur is an odd mix with the Spinal Tap-like melodies.
The album was such a failure, that the duo was cut from their record deal, and Billy ended up briefly in a mental institution.
So far, oh for two.
After getting out, Billy ran off to California with Small's wife to start a solo career. He managed to get a deal with Artie Ripp's Family Productions, and together they recorded Cold Spring Harbor in 1971.
One slight problem ... when the record was originaly pressed, it was recorded at at a semi-tone higher, leaving Joel to sound like a girl.
Strike three, right?
Even though his promising debut was rendered a hard sell with Joel's altered voice, Columbia Records heard a live broadcast of Billy, and immediately recognized the potential of his material.
While Columbia was in negotiations with Family Productions to buy out Billy's contract, Joel played the California piano bar circuit under the name "Bill Martin". It was here that he got the basis from his most famous song and the hit that would start his career.
Talk about your perserverence.
And the rest, they say is history ...
Until 1983, when Artie Ripp decided he wanted to make a little money. He went to Columbia, and together they remixed Cold Spring Harbor, and released it in his proper form. (Albeit with some new instrumentation and some alterations in song length.)
In 1998, Columbia re-issued all of Billy back catalog, including the first CD version of this album. I remember seeing in the racks of the record store in Minot, but I wasn't a major Billy Joel fan at the time. I did, however, enjoy the cover for Joel's moustache and mullet!
After marrying Kristin, she managed to get me into Billy Joel, and I began my shameless zeal to collect the Piano Man's entire discography. First by record, then by cassette ... then by CD.
However, outside of The Stranger, a hand full of live albums, and some Greatest Hit compliations ... it has become somewhat difficult to find any of Joel's studio albums.
Kristin did purchase She's Got a Way: A Collection of Rare Recordings for Christmas in 2004. This value priced CD featured much of the material from his first album. However, it appeared to be dubbed off the original recording and then slowed down. It makes Joel sound like Will Ferrel when he gets shot in the neck with a tranquillizer in Old School. (Watch it again if you forget.)
However, I too persisted, and 9 years after it's re-issue on CD, I finally found Cold Spring Harbor in the record store in the Mall of America.
It's worth the wait. This album is Billy Joel finally figuring out his musical style. (It's the musical equivilent to Richard Dreyfuss fnally determing that the mountain he's been inexplicably modelling is actually the Devils' Tower in Wyoming.)
Highlights include "You Can Make Me Free" , "Everybody Loves You Now" and "Got To Begin Again". If you remotely like Billy Joel, you'll love this album as it's more of what made him a household word.
It seems like it's always been hip to bash Billy Joel. I've never figured out why.
What's not to love?
I highly recommend this album.
Besides, look at all the effort Billy went thru to make it for me!
2. Walk Hard:The Dewey Cox Story Original Soundtrack

Good comedy always comes from precise duplication and reproduction.
Nothing sums it up so much as Andy Kaufman's old 'Foreign man' character and his impersonation of Elvis.
In his orginal night club act, Kaufman would perform as the Foreign Man. He would eventually do a variety of poor celebrity impressions ... Ed Sullivan, John Wayne, etc ... in that exact same Foreign Man voice. As the audiance would politely groan thru his act, Kaufman would next announce that, "he would like to do 'the Elvis Presley'."
The lights would go dark, the music for 2001: A Space Odyessy would come on, and Kaufman would begin combing his hair back, and he would transform in
Elvis, shaking lip and all.
Then he would sing. Just like Elvis.
This would blow the audience out of the water.
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story does the same thing. John C. Reily manages to do dead-on versions of Johnny Cash, Roy Orbison, Elvis, Bob Dylan, Phil Ochs, and Brian Wilson.
You'll swear that you've heard these songs before.
"Guilty as Charged" is perfect Johnny Cash, with its' "Ring of Fire" Mexican horns. "Royal Jelly" is Blonde on Blonde nonsense, the best Dylan I've ever heard, complete with the chorus of "I wanna touch you ... where the Royal Jelly gets made.".
"Dear Mr. President" sounds like little known protest singer Phil Ochs.
Particualrily mind-blowing is "Black Sheep", with it's drugged-up Beach Boys Smile-era sound. lt manages to duplicate Brian Wilson's masterpiece while being funny as hell.

1. Traffic and Weather Fountains of Wayne
In this world of rap and Emo and High School Musical, this year's best album went ignored, and that's fine with me.
Fountains of Wayne are best known for "Stacey's Mom" ... Adam Wood's favorite song.
As well, guitarist Adam Scheslinger is a songwriter for hire, writing such movie rock as "That Thing You Do" and all the songs for "Music and Lyrics" (The Hugh Grant-Drew Barrymore romantic comedy about a wahsed up 80's singer.)
At the risk of sounding really pretentious, they are power pop's mad scientists, carefully mixing skinny tie-New Wave with 80's mainstream and 90's alternative. (Basically, they have decided to directly market to their fan base: Jason & Adam Wood.)
Imagine taking the Cars, Elvis Costello, ELO, Cheap Trick, .38 Special, the Outfield, Bryan Adams, Jellyfish, Sugar, the Smashing Pumpkins, and mixing up them all up in a stew.
They remind me of a lot of the Canadian bands I loved in the 90's ... Sloan, The Odds, B'n'L, Moist, Pure.
The entire disc is a highlight.
I strongly advise you to dig thru the bargain bin of 2007 and find this disc.

Monday, December 17, 2007

I've been tagged! (I think you need pencillin for that!)

I got an e-mail from a friend saying that I had been "tagged" and that I had to write a blog about 8 random things and then tag 8 other folks with blogs who also have to write about 8 random things.

Truth be told ... I know hardly anybody with a blog. Which probably explains why I took me until this September to try and start one. Therefore, I think that I won't be able to pass it on like some of the other taggees.

I'm also assuming that the controversial "Can't -Tag-the-Butcher" rule that caused so much bitterness between me and the Heise kids in Melfort, Saskatchewan in late 1979 applies in this situation. ("Tagging the Butcher" means tagging the person who tagged you. Most games of tag we played had strict rules against tagging the butcher as it could create a fight when two players exchanged too many return tags ... which could often resemble a slap fight. F#ck you, Brett Heise!)

The 8 random things however .. easy!

1) I always remember that Keith Hernandez hit .299 as a member of the 1982 St. Louis Cardinals.

2) My youngest son's middle name is Arthur ... which is my middle name, my father's middle name, and my grandfather's first name. However, Adam does not have the ability to have an acronym, like me and my Dad did ... JAW & RAW.

3) Post-purchase cognitive dissonance is the feeling of disappointment, guilt or frustration after making a major purchase. As in "I'm having major post-purchase cognitive dissonance after we got the 800 Canon Digital Rebel XT camera, as it made all the pictures I took at my kids' Christmas program look like a version of Satan's Home for the Holidays!". I swear, there were less red eyes the day after the Coors company Christmas party, than there was on those pictures!

4) Barry Manilow's hit "I Write the Songs" was not written by Barry Manilow. It was written by Bruce Johnston, formerly of the Beach Boys ... who only wrote a handful of songs while he was in the band. Somehow, "I Occasionally Write the Songs" doesn't have the same ring.

5) I firmly believe that everything in life is analogous to the behind- the-scenes workings of professional wrestling.

6) Every girl that I have ever dated has had glasses.

7) I really don't care for pasta salad or crab. My wife told my mother-in-law this the day after she kindly made pasta salad with crab for us for an anniversary lunch. (P.S. - Kristin had to go out of town that day and couldn't come, so instead, my sister-in-law came with me for the lunch. No joke.)

8) I feel that Tony Bennett has a great voice ... but a questionable toupee.

Fin.