We all make mistakes. Even Mean Gene. On a live pay per view.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDJz1yYMEgM

More Most Irritating Songs

1. T.Rex - "Ride A White Swan"
It's like Marc Bolan got away before the mortician was finished ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9rFoPyqFoA&feature=related


2. Mika - "Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)"
Campy and fun!!! Must be listened to very loudly.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcRiXOONqf0

3. Idle Eyes - "Toyoko Rose"
Just for the chorus alone ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJR8lkE5fQo

4. Gowan - "Strange Animal"
This guy took over for Dennis DeYoung in Styx. It must have been his kicking ability that sealed the deal. (Keep your eyes open for the semi-naked Indian cartoon guy who later showed up in the Doors movie.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAxlmdTJ7S8

5. Talk Talk - "It's My Life"
The morbidly depressed usually go to the zoo to watch the elephants.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvAVJTQeFiQ

6. Raffi - "Banana Phone"
Using Garry's Mod, here is a delightful and vulgar turn on the lovable children's song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neKXc7pw4go

7. Paul McCartney - "Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey"
Now I know what the drummer from Boston is doing. I love how he decides he needs some type of microphone :51 in. Then the cellphone. Then the beer. (He doesn't seem confident on the lyrics.) Sorry ladies, he's married.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJw3Wm7y_GY

The funniest "Most Irritating Songs to Try and Get all the Way Through":

(It's tempting to include the usual offenders - "My Humps" or "Milkshake" or anything by Nickelback ... but what fun would that be?)

1. Sparks - "This Town Ain't Big Enough for the Both of Us"
Adam Wood's new favorite song ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ax8JYmoRhy4

2. Charlene - "I've Never Been to Me"
This couplet says it all - "I spent my life exploring, the subtle whoring ...".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-vx4GcjASE

3. Coven - "One Tin Solider"
And the cartoon film that comes with it ... complete with sound effects!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qa2vowp4Qdw&feature=PlayList&p=DAADE5F955B76663&index=51

4. Peter, Bjorn & John - "Young Folks"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51V1VMkuyx0

5. Donna Summer - "MaCarthur Park"
The Karoke version so we can finally figure out who f*cking left the cake out in the rain!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaZim6ybvdA&feature=related

6. Boney M - "Rasputin"
"But to Moscow chicks ... he was such a lovely dear!" Nobody remebers Boney M.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvDMlk3kSYg

7. Minnie Riperton - "Lovin' You"
There are notes sung in this song so high that only dogs can hear. I love the Cat Stevens/Dan Hill looking dude playing guitar in the backgroud ... next to the f*cking birdcage.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uU6aYNXnUk

Best CDs of 2007

2006 was a great year for new music. Cheap Trick, Ben Folds, The Darkness, had new albums, while Ben Folds and the Barenaked Ladies had 2 each! I also discovered some lost treasures with CDs by The Left Banke, Diamond Head, Starz, Babe Ruth and some very early Hall & Oates material.

2007 wasn't quite as good for the new stuff, as I seemed to gather mostly used greatest hits collections of artists previously resigned to my record collection - Randy Newman, Led Zeppelin, Rod Stewart, Leon Russell, Led Zeppelin, The Monkees & the Eagles.

With it being said, there were some unexpected treats and some rare finds!

Here are my ten favorite CDs of this year:

10.The Best of The First 10 Years Elvis Costello

Three years ago, I would not have bought this disc. Before the last couple of years, I rarely bought greatest hits collections on CD.

Believe it or not, greatest hits seemed like a waste of money. If I liked an artist, I was destined to get as many of their studio albums as I possibly could rendering the token greatest hits album as useless. (Besides, most groups are so much better than their 'hits' & their best songs are rarely the one played on the radio ... Cheap Trick & Alice Cooper being the best examples!)

However, three years ago, in the process of moving, I gave away all my Elvis Costello CDs! I gave them as a going away present to a very generous & dear friend who loved EC ... but who rarely indulged herself in anything.

I miss the CDs ... but I miss my friend much more.

Ironically, the majority of my LP collection still sits in the attic of this dear friend's house ... which is one of the reasons I've started buying more greatest hits collections.

So when I saw this disc in Best Buy, the songs started ringing in my head again.

Describing Elvis Costello songs is like describing classic literature or expensive wines: some of them are really frickin' good, but there's no to describe them without sounding pretentious or dull.

While Elvis is best known for his first three albums, I highly recommend his 80's stuff the most. Keyboard player Steve Nieve started using piano primarily instead of the shrill organ sound the Elvis's more recognized work has.

This songs on the disc bring back great memories: Baby Adam dancing up a storm in his car seat to 'Everyday I Write The Book' ... buying This Year's Model on cassette in November 1990 at Zellers in the Normanview Mall ... swapping a Bad Religion CD to get '94's Brutal Youth, which my friend Jay Demers described as the ultimate trade of the "proven veteran versus the up-in-coming rookie prospect".

Start to finish, this CD reminds of what made Elvis Costello so great: Strong melodies, sharp lyrics, dynamic bridges, and catchy chorus. I hope that Leah Cook still agrees. (If she doesn't, maybe I can get my CDs back!)

9. Afterwords Collective Soul

I first heard Collective Soul in college. The afore-mentioned Jay Demers was Music Director of the college radio station. (A position I later inherited from him.) Atlantic records flooded the college radio market with dozens of copies of their first album Hints, Allegations, and Things Left Unsaid, and Mr. Demers was nice enough to provide me with a cassette version. (This mass marketing of new music happened a lot with college radio. I remember Interscope sending thirty copies of No Doubt's Tragic Kingdom and at first, we couldn't even give them away ... but I digress.)

I bought their second cassette in 1995. (Along with 4 David Bowie tapes, Collective Soul is the only music I've ever bought in Prince Albert, Saskatchewan.)

Purchased in Seattle, Washington ... this is only CD that Kristin Wood has bought this year. Not too shabby of a success rate!

Collective Soul has this great guitar sound.(Having three guitar players will do that.) They also know how to build a song. My favorite is "What I can Give You" ... a song similar in style to the '95's "December".

I haven't listened this as much as I should. But I enjoy it when it's on. Maybe Collective Soul's new label will track me down, and send me multiple copies so I can share them with you!

8. Boston (Re-Issue) Boston

Once of my earliest musical memories involves the iconic album cover to your left.

It had to have been '78 or '79, and I was in the electronics section of the Brandon Wolco with my older cousin Alan. (The musical dork in me knows that it had to be almost 3 years since this album debuted, and I still find it amazing that the record racks were still full with copies of this album.)

As most kids hooked on Star Wars and Battlestar Galactica, the flying rocket guitar-space ship and the exploding planet below were absolutely hypnotic.

I first bought this tape in 1985. An entry in a book about hard bock included that same logo'd space ship guitar fleeing an imploding earth ... and I was again hooked enough to find it the local Audio Warehouse.

There are few pop culture moments more ingrained in my head than hearing the chorus to "More Than a Feeling" for the first time. Forget "Stairway to Heaven" or "Hey Jude" or whatever ... this is the single greatest song of all time. It contains contains rock's greatest chord progression: G - C - Em - D.

(Useless trivial information alert --- the lyrics to the chorus include a reference to "When I hear that old song they used to play ...". I just read in a Rolling Stone article in which Tom Scholz says "that old song" was in reference to "Walk Away Rene" by the Left Banke ... an "old song" I discovered on a Left Banke greatest hits album last year. )

I guess it comes full circle - a 13 year old kid listening to an old 70's song - which is actually about an old 60's song that he would finally hear twenty one years later. (Okay, that was convoluted.)

This album was re-mastered for the album's 30th anniversary last year. It's great to have an up-to-date version to hear it all - the layers and layers of guitars, the layers and layers of singer Brad Delp, the hand claps and the organs.

The rise of classic rock radio has kind of hurt this album. Parts of it seem to be playing somewhere constantly. It makes me laugh because when I first started listening to it, nobody played classic rock where I lived. It was all Billy Ocean and Mr. Mister and Starship.

7. Long Road Out of Eden Eagles

On September 15th, 2007, it looked like the Colorado Rockies season was finished. They were 4 1/2 games back in the Wild Card race.

They proceeded to win 13 of 14 to force a one-game playoff which they won in the bottom of the 13th, after being down by 2 runs. Then they swept Philadelphia and Arizona to get to their first World Series.

There, they were anti-climatically swept in four games by the Red Sox.

This 2-CD release is the equivalent to both that amazing run and the Rockies' eventual sweep. It's exciting and disappointing ... both at the same time.

After 27 years, it's awesome that the Eagles got back together for an all new record & and the concept of 20 brand new Eagles' songs is fantastic. The performances are strong, the songs enjoyable ... but Long Road Out of Eden is not as good as the rest of Eagles high regarded back catalog, and that's ends up distracting me from really enjoying it.

How do you compete with Hotel California or On the Border?

The Eagles have such a diverse fan base with so many expectations. Lots of these new songs seemed like they're aimed at the various segments the Eagles need to satisfy: the die hard fans, the folks that love the classic rock sound of Hotel California or The Long Run, people who love the laid-back older stuff, those who are probably familiar most with Don Henley's solo work, and lastly ... the country radio that's most likely to play them.

All these areas are touched upon and mixed together. "How Long" is "Already Gone" for contemporary country radio. Ditto for the mash-up of "New Kid in Town" & the 1980's for "What Do I Do With My Heart?".

Note the End of the Innocence styled fun of "Busy Being Fabulous" while "Fast Company" is vintage The Long Run Don Henley, and the title track is subconsciously reminiscent of a slower paced "Hotel California". Timothy B. Schmit & Joe Walsh return to familiar ground with their turns at bat.

And just like the Rockies streak, there are many great moments here. Listening to that old familiar harmony is just like forcing a wild card game on the last day of the season ... while the bridge of "Waiting In the Weeds" is the musical equivalent to Matt Holliday sliding in safe to win the game in the bottom of 13th.

However, the second disc fails to hold up the momentum. The activist Don Henley returns with"Long Road out of Eden". ("How long's your pony tail, now, Don?".) By the time Joe Walsh shows up with "Last Good Time in Town", things have taken a maudlin turn. Not even this goofy Ordinary Average Guy sound-alike can lift the mood. As you can get to last song, "It's Your World Now", you realize that this is it.

It's not that this album isn't good ... it's just that it has a lot to live up to and anything less can feel like a sweep at the hands of Manny Ramirez and company.

6. The Soft Parade (Re-Issue) The Doors

Re-issues are great. Things sound brighter, crisper. You swear you hear stuff you never heard before.

Then there's the line of this year's Doors re-releases ... where you literally hear stuff you never heard before. Alternate vocals, guitars, keyboards and drums were discovered from the original multi-track recordings, and together with an amazing sound clarity, you get to enjoy these six albums almost like it's the first time.

I've got this album and L.A. Woman in re-issue, at first bought to round out my Doors CD collection. I wasn't expecting to be as blown away as I was. Listening to it on headphones makes me feel like I'm there in the studio with the band. (Which is kind of disturbing thought if you remember the scene from the movie where they record this album. Picturing Meg Ryan and Val Kilmer "otherwise engaged" in the vocal booth during "The Soft Parade" is a little much, I must admit.)

This album is rarely mentioned in the same breath as their debut or Strange Days. It was knocked a fair amount during the time for its' horns and strings. Rolling Stone called it sad. That makes me enjoy a lot more.

Thanks to Oliver Stone, people forget that the Doors had a sense of humor. (Listen to the double live Doors record if you doubt it: "You can pick your teeth with a New York joint!")

This album is full of entertaining bits & jaunty melodies, particularly the title track. This is my favorite Doors song, a pretty strong statement considering the number of iconic tunes the Doors had.

Almost ten minutes long, what makes the song so fun is that it's veritable quote fest. "When I was back there in seminary school ... someone put forth to the proposition that you can petition the Lord with prayer. You can not petition the Lord with Prayer!" and "Carrying babies to the river!" and "When all else fails, we can whip the horse's eyes, and make them sleep ... and cry!"

The naughty sounding lines of "... love your neighbour ... 'til his wife gets home!" and "The monk bought lunch. He bought a 'little'! Yes, he did !" were quoted by Irishman Laurence Naylor and myself ad nausem in the fall of 1995.

Another high point is "Runnin' Blue", a Dylanesque-Basement Tapes sounding jig which is actually about Otis Redding's passing at the time. We also get bonus tracks like the goofy "Push Push" which sounds like jazz bar band five minutes before closing time!

I'd love to see other bands get the same treatment as this re-issue series. My next choice ... Kenny Rogers and the First Edition! I'm sure there's parts of "Ruby, Don't Take Your Love to Town" or "Just Dropped In (To See what Condition My Condition Was In)" that need to be unearthed! ;)

5. Duit on Mon Dei & Sandman (Re-Issue) Harry Nilsson

Cost efficiency is often a requirement for purchasing the CD version of albums I already own.

This "two-fer" features two Nilsson albums from the mid-seventies, reasonably priced for my enjoyment!

For the uninitiated, Harry Nilsson is known for some combination of following five things:

a) his Grammy winning cover of Badfinger's "Without You"

b) his Grammy winning cover of Fred Neil's "Everybody's Talking" for The Midnight Cowboy film.

c) his song "Coconut" used in Reservior Dogs.

d) being a member of the short lived "Holloywood Vampires" drinking club that included John Lennon, Mickey Dolenz, Alice Cooper and Ringo Starr.

e) getting kicked out of the Troubadour night club in Hollywood with a very drunk John Lennon for heckling the Smother Brothers ... while wearing tampons on their heads.

What Nilsson is less remembered for is his diverse catalog, his dynamic songwriting, his four octave voice, and his sense of humor.

His 1975 album Duit it on Mon Dei is the perfect example of Nilsson's style: raunchy, goofy, dramatic, and entertaining. From the goofy opener "Jesus Christ You're Tall" to the regal "Salmon Falls" and the boogie shuffle of "It's a Jungle Out There" and "Kojak Columbo" ... Nilsson manages to go from comedian to crooner and back again.

Despite recently recovering from a ruptured vocal cord, Nilsson managed to record the vocals live with his all star studio band. (Which included Ringo Starr, Klaus Voorman, Jim Keltner, Van Dyke Parks, and Dr. John.) There's a feeling like a giant party is going on. (That's because there constantly was some type of drinking and partying going on!)

Also included on this disc is 1976's Sandman. One of Harry's best ... this work marks the return of Harry's multi-layered voice. (Like Brad Delp of Boston, Nilsson did all of his own background and harmony vocals.)

The songs are some of Harry's best. In a time of David Soul and Pablo Cruise, I can't figure out how the grooving, string-heavy ballad "Something True" wasn't a top ten smash. The laid-back "Here's Why I Did Not Go to Work" sounds like it was recorded in a smokey jazz club, while the sarcastic "How to Write a Song" wouldn't be out of place on an episode of the Muppet Show. (Minus the line "Let's assume you're just an @sshole, and there's nothing in your brain ..." of course.)

There's no shortage of Nilsson's usual comedy: "The Ivy Covered Walls" features Harry "accompanied" by a college glee club. "The Flying Saucer Song" is a goofy skit involving two drunks at a bar, with both parts voiced by Nilsson.

These albums aren't for everybody. A parental advisory should be included: "This album includes liberal usage of Steel Drums". As well, Nilsson isn't immune to scatting. Some of the melodies can be a little off-putting, and Nilsson's recovering voice hits some ugly notes here and there.

Mrs Wood, for instance, is not a big Nilsson fan.

She fails to see the cost efficiency of purchasing any Nilsson's work. And considering her 2007 success rate on buying CDs, it's hard to argue with her!

4. Magic Bruce Springsteen

I first heard this CD in the office of co-worker (and noted Springsteen aficiando) Kathy Cook. Months later, I heard it while in browsing in Budget Music and Video in Minot.

So when my mother-in-law kindly gave me a Christmas gift card for Best Buy, this was the first CD I bought.

The reviews have played up Springsteen's return to his 70's sound. I also notice that many of the songs remind me of other artists as well ... without being derirative or committing the Ray Parker Jr. sin of directly ripping somebody off. ("I ain't 'fraid of no ghosts" ... but litigation scares the sh*t out of me.)

Take the first song "Radio Nowhere" . (It sounds kind of like Tommy Tutone changing the lyrics to "867-5309/Jenny" and trying sing it how like Bruce Springsteen would.)

Another great tune is "Living in The Future" ... which sounds like a mixture of "Hungry Heart" & "Glory Days". (My great friend and noted Springsteen aficinado Chris O'Donnell - not the actor - once claimed that when his wife asked how his day went ... he managed to quote the entire first verse and the complete chorus to "Glory Days" as if it were conversation.)

"Your Own Worst Enemy" is Elvis Costello circa 1989. 90's Tom Petty is channelled in "I'll Work for Your Love". The title track and "Devils's Arcade" are what the Boss would sound like with either Rick Rubin or Bob Ezrin behind the board.

I just bought this three days ago, and yet it feels like I've been listening to it for ages. Maybe it's all that time in Kathy Cook's office!

3. Cold Spring Harbor (Re-Issue) Billy Joel

Billy Joel's early career is the very definition of persistance.

Billy's first band, The Hassles, made a couple of late sixties releases.

After a cover of Sam & Dave's "You Got me Hummin' " failed to crack the top 100, the band broke up and Billy and the drummer, Jon Small formed what only can be described as a "power duo" ... Small on drums and Billy on vocals and organ. Imagine Cream or Hendrix ... just with an organ instead of guitars.

In 1970, they released what is often referred to as one of worst albums of all time.

The cover itself is worth the price of admission. Small & Joel, dressed in medival armour, standing amid a meat locker of raw beef.

The music sounds like Deep Purple ... if their guitar amps weren't working.

Joel's voice is the same one that helped sell millions of albums ten years later.

However, his Long Island slur is an odd mix with the Spinal Tap-like melodies.

The album was such a failure, that the duo was cut from their record deal, and Billy ended up briefly in a mental institution.

So far, oh for two.

After getting out, Billy ran off to California with Small's wife to start a solo career. He managed to get a deal with Artie Ripp's Family Productions, and together they recorded Cold Spring Harbor in 1971.

One slight problem ... when the record was originaly pressed, it was recorded at at a semi-tone higher, leaving Joel to sound like a girl.

Strike three, right?

Even though his promising debut was rendered a hard sell with Joel's altered voice, Columbia Records heard a live broadcast of Billy, and immediately recognized the potential of his material.

While Columbia was in negotiations with Family Productions to buy out Billy's contract, Joel played the California piano bar circuit under the name "Bill Martin". It was here that he got the basis from his most famous song and the hit that would start his career.

Talk about your perserverence.

And the rest, they say is history ...

Until 1983, when Artie Ripp decided he wanted to make a little money. He went to Columbia, and together they remixed Cold Spring Harbor, and released it in his proper form. (Albeit with some new instrumentation and some alterations in song length.)

In 1998, Columbia re-issued all of Billy back catalog, including the first CD version of this album. I remember seeing in the racks of the record store in Minot, but I wasn't a major Billy Joel fan at the time. I did, however, enjoy the cover for Joel's moustache and mullet!

After marrying Kristin, she managed to get me into Billy Joel, and I began my shameless zeal to collect the Piano Man's entire discography. First by record, then by cassette ... then by CD.

However, outside of The Stranger, a hand full of live albums, and some Greatest Hit compliations ... it has become somewhat difficult to find any of Joel's studio albums.

Kristin did purchase She's Got a Way: A Collection of Rare Recordings for Christmas in 2004. This value priced CD featured much of the material from his first album. However, it appeared to be dubbed off the original recording and then slowed down. It makes Joel sound like Will Ferrel when he gets shot in the neck with a tranquillizer in Old School. (Watch it again if you forget.)

However, I too persisted, and 9 years after it's re-issue on CD, I finally found Cold Spring Harbor in the record store in the Mall of America.

It's worth the wait. This album is Billy Joel finally figuring out his musical style. (It's the musical equivilent to Richard Dreyfuss fnally determing that the mountain he's been inexplicably modelling is actually the Devils' Tower in Wyoming.)

Highlights include "You Can Make Me Free" , "Everybody Loves You Now" and "Got To Begin Again". If you remotely like Billy Joel, you'll love this album as it's more of what made him a household word.

It seems like it's always been hip to bash Billy Joel. I've never figured out why.

What's not to love?

I highly recommend this album.

Besides, look at all the effort Billy went thru to make it for me!

2. Walk Hard:The Dewey Cox Story Original Soundtrack

Good comedy always comes from precise duplication and reproduction.

Nothing sums it up so much as Andy Kaufman's old 'Foreign man' character and his impersonation of Elvis.

In his orginal night club act, Kaufman would perform as the Foreign Man. He would eventually do a variety of poor celebrity impressions ... Ed Sullivan, John Wayne, etc ... in that exact same Foreign Man voice. As the audiance would politely groan thru his act, Kaufman would next announce that, "he would like to do 'the Elvis Presley'."

The lights would go dark, the music for 2001: A Space Odyessy would come on, and Kaufman would begin combing his hair back, and he would transform in

Elvis, shaking lip and all.

Then he would sing. Just like Elvis.

This would blow the audience out of the water.

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story does the same thing. John C. Reily manages to do dead-on versions of Johnny Cash, Roy Orbison, Elvis, Bob Dylan, Phil Ochs, and Brian Wilson.

You'll swear that you've heard these songs before.

"Guilty as Charged" is perfect Johnny Cash, with its' "Ring of Fire" Mexican horns. "Royal Jelly" is Blonde on Blonde nonsense, the best Dylan I've ever heard, complete with the chorus of "I wanna touch you ... where the Royal Jelly gets made.".

"Dear Mr. President" sounds like little known protest singer Phil Ochs.

Particualrily mind-blowing is "Black Sheep", with it's drugged-up Beach Boys Smile-era sound. lt manages to duplicate Brian Wilson's masterpiece while being funny as hell.

1. Traffic and Weather Fountains of Wayne

In this world of rap and Emo and High School Musical, this year's best album went ignored, and that's fine with me.

Fountains of Wayne are best known for "Stacey's Mom" ... Adam Wood's favorite song.

As well, guitarist Adam Scheslinger is a songwriter for hire, writing such movie rock as "That Thing You Do" and all the songs for "Music and Lyrics" (The Hugh Grant-Drew Barrymore romantic comedy about a wahsed up 80's singer.)

At the risk of sounding really pretentious, they are power pop's mad scientists, carefully mixing skinny tie-New Wave with 80's mainstream and 90's alternative. (Basically, they have decided to directly market to their fan base: Jason & Adam Wood.)

Imagine taking the Cars, Elvis Costello, ELO, Cheap Trick, .38 Special, the Outfield, Bryan Adams, Jellyfish, Sugar, the Smashing Pumpkins, and mixing up them all up in a stew.

They remind me of a lot of the Canadian bands I loved in the 90's ... Sloan, The Odds, B'n'L, Moist, Pure.

The entire disc is a highlight.

I strongly advise you to dig thru the bargain bin of 2007 and find this disc.

I've been tagged! (I think you need pencillin for that!)

I got an e-mail from a friend saying that I had been "tagged" and that I had to write a blog about 8 random things and then tag 8 other folks with blogs who also have to write about 8 random things.

Truth be told ... I know hardly anybody with a blog. Which probably explains why I took me until this September to try and start one. Therefore, I think that I won't be able to pass it on like some of the other taggees.

I'm also assuming that the controversial "Can't -Tag-the-Butcher" rule that caused so much bitterness between me and the Heise kids in Melfort, Saskatchewan in late 1979 applies in this situation. ("Tagging the Butcher" means tagging the person who tagged you. Most games of tag we played had strict rules against tagging the butcher as it could create a fight when two players exchanged too many return tags ... which could often resemble a slap fight. F#ck you, Brett Heise!)

The 8 random things however .. easy!

1) I always remember that Keith Hernandez hit .299 as a member of the 1982 St. Louis Cardinals.

2) My youngest son's middle name is Arthur ... which is my middle name, my father's middle name, and my grandfather's first name. However, Adam does not have the ability to have an acronym, like me and my Dad did ... JAW & RAW.

3) Post-purchase cognitive dissonance is the feeling of disappointment, guilt or frustration after making a major purchase. As in "I'm having major post-purchase cognitive dissonance after we got the 800 Canon Digital Rebel XT camera, as it made all the pictures I took at my kids' Christmas program look like a version of Satan's Home for the Holidays!". I swear, there were less red eyes the day after the Coors company Christmas party, than there was on those pictures!

4) Barry Manilow's hit "I Write the Songs" was not written by Barry Manilow. It was written by Bruce Johnston, formerly of the Beach Boys ... who only wrote a handful of songs while he was in the band. Somehow, "I Occasionally Write the Songs" doesn't have the same ring.

5) I firmly believe that everything in life is analogous to the behind- the-scenes workings of professional wrestling.

6) Every girl that I have ever dated has had glasses.

7) I really don't care for pasta salad or crab. My wife told my mother-in-law this the day after she kindly made pasta salad with crab for us for an anniversary lunch. (P.S. - Kristin had to go out of town that day and couldn't come, so instead, my sister-in-law came with me for the lunch. No joke.)

8) I feel that Tony Bennett has a great voice ... but a questionable toupee.

Fin.

Painstaking re-construction ...

I've been busy re-adjusting to both my new hair and my sexy bad-guy moustache!

Very-sensitive-beard Man! I wish I could do this in real life.

Mini-Knutson

This is Miss Brenna. She is in Grade 7, and she's 12.

She's just like her mother.

She has always been a character. Early videos of her showcase a talent for making folks laugh.

She wants to be an actress. She has already been in community theatre and she was the Global Microphone in the 2005 Buffalo Days parade. Both performances were met with rave reviews!

She wants to live in New York.

She is also an athlete and a painter. She's played basketball and volleyball, and has done bitchin' at both - despite a lack of experience. Her art is all over the house, and has won her awards at school!

She is a great sister. She plays with her little brother a lot - they can be heard giggling and carrying on all over the house!

She is very sweet and very kind to animals and friends.

She has lots of pairs of shoes.

She picked out the rockin' lime green color for her bedroom, and she won Best Costume at a recent Halloween Dance!

She is a great babysitter, and she is great with all types of kids.


She has started wearing a tiny bit of make-up. I have jokingly told her my rules for life --- NO BOYS. (I'm only half joking.)

When she was younger, she complained of getting a bead stuck in her ear. She said that our cat had did it. Later, at the hospital, she admitted doing it herself. When the doctor removed the bead for her ear, he was shocked to find another bead behind it! (This one apparently came from a friend at daycare.)

Her and her brother have grown up so much. They have lived in many different places and seen many different things. They've been to DisneyWorld and the Smokey Mountains and the Gulf of Mexico and the Red River and Costcos in 2 different countries, and they've taken it all in stride.

She is a great daughter and I love her very much.

BMK

This is the man! He is in Grade 8, and will be 14 in December.

He is a great kid. Very earnest, very conscientious, and very kind.

The ladies have been noticing him since 2005, as he is a veteran of the dating scene. However, his sister may have inadvertently blocked his first kiss!

He is a hero to his little brother! Known as "Bro", Braiden shares his time and energy with his brother, sharing a love of video games and trips to the park. They can be spotted joyously riding around town on a bike ... and for a 13 year old, that's pretty frickin' cool.

He is awesome around the house. With Kristin out of town, he cleaned up everything - dishes, carpet, garbage - all without being asked. The joy of seeing his eyes light up when I gave him 20 bucks made my day as much as it did his!

He has always been a great brother. When the kids were younger, Brenna was stung by a bee. Braiden came and got his mother, and stood around nervously saying, "Oh, my Brenna ... my precious Brenna!".

He is a lover of grandmas, and player of Monopoly.

He is looking forward to getting his licence. He has had a chance to drive once, and he really enjoyed it.

His congruent childhood dreams of becoming an architect, a rock star, and the owner of a fitness center - all at the same time - has not been put on the back burner yet. He recently wanted to buy a very large boxing bag and hang it from his ceiling.

He dislikes the new carpet for his room, but he never complained.

His favorite book is a survival guide from the US military. He knows what plants are safe to eat, and the best way to clean an infection should one not be able to move.

He intends on going to Minot State University ... for financial reasons.

He is a great son, and I love him dearly.

The reason for vacations & cameras

This is the love of my life. The picture was taken at a restaurant in Willimgton, North Carolina in 2005. It was the first real vacation that we'd taken together since 1999.

She's beautiful. She always has been.

I first met her in 1993. We were in a theatre class. She was pregnant with Braiden at the time. My brother and I were in the class, and eventually we both dropped out.

I didn't see her again until 2 years later when we both auditioned for a play in college. During the audition, we were paired up to act out a scene together. She says she noticed me right away! ;) We both got into the play, and we were paired up as husband and wife!

Later in the year, we were in another play together, and I really got to know her then. She was really frickin' good in that play, and we still have the best actress plaque she got for her work!!

We spent a lot of time together, and I really loved being around her. Late in the '95-'96 school year, she got a really short haircut, which made her look even more beautiful. I used to see her in the hallways and razz her about looking like Pat Benetar. (Which was right down her alley!)

As I got to know her, I really started to like her. We shared the same interests and sense of humor.

Our first date involved a trip to Bismarck, North Dakota. We went to a bar that had an Ozzy Osbourne cover band. The singer could sing like Ozzy, but in between songs, he couldn't keep up the English accent! We laughed the whole time, and I enjoyed every second we spent!

It wasn't long before I was in love with her. It's amazing when you find that perfect person that fills in all the empty spaces in your life.

I've always been a complicated (read-difficult) person, and Kristin always knew how to deal with me and my moods. When we got together, she helped build me up after a really difficult time in my life. She is loyal and honest and opinionated and funny.

She also was willing to do anything. We'd stage little wrestling matches in WalMart. I'd pretend to whip her into the ropes or fake hit her with a child's mattress. She always went along with whatever goofy thing I'd try.

The night we got married, we used the whirlpool tub in our honeymoon suite. I turned it on and shot myself right in the rear-end with the jets of water!

She was just as talented at broadcasting as she was at acting. At both places we worked, all the photographers begged to work with her, because they knew that not only would they have a great story, but that Kristin could write it in no time flat.

One time, she couldn't find our car keys. She looked around the entire apartment. Turns out, the key chain was hanging from her mouth! The kicker to this story ... earlier on, she had had come to me, with the keys in her mouth, asking me for help finding them. I guess I looked at her and asked, "Well, where did you look last?".

I love every thing about my wife. I love that she sings the harmony parts of songs. (It's the reason I keep showering her with cassettes and CDs of her favorite groups. I never would have bought a large percentage of Hall & Oates's back catalogue on my own! Some goes for Air Supply, REO Speedwagon, and The Monkees.)

I love the pouty pose that she makes anytime she takes a picture with her sisters.

I love the fact that she's convinced that I have somehow programmed the DVD/VCR remote not to work for her.

I love how she hates the usage of the word "amazing".

I love childhood pictures of her. Especially any ones wear she's wearing glasses.

I love that she edits my e-mails and cleans up my spelling mistakes.

I love the fact she's always willing to try new things. She had the guts to move us to Fort Myers, FL for her first job. I never would have Thunder Beef and Pad Thai and Cincinnati style Chili without her.

I love watching her with our children. She has always been a great mom, and she's the reason all three of our kids have turned out so well.

I love her conscience. She has a beautiful sense of right and wrong, and she's taught the kids well.

I love how I have someone who was there with me thru it all. Someone who remembers the time I threw my back out jumping up in the air when she and the kids came to pick me up outside Peder Rice's.

Someone who was there the time Brenna got stuck in the toilet. Or when Braiden had his first date.

Someone who remembers ending up in the ditch coming back from Winnipeg ... the time I irrationally told everyone in the car, "I love you all, we're all going to die!" as we went into the ditch.

Someone who took me to hospital when I had strep throat, and who took me to the mall when the Alice Cooper box set came out.

Together we've seen the World Trade Center, the Gulf of Mexico, the beach at Lake Winnipeg, the old streets of Asheville, North Carolina, and the ghetto of Garry, Indiana. We've been in awe of the Tennessee mountains and in fear of the Pennsylvania turnpike.

This woman has both figuratively and literally saved my life on more than one occasion.

Things haven't always been perfect, but they have been exciting. I've been spoiled rotten by the best woman in the world.

Hurry back, gorgeous.

More Kissology ...

Here you go, Kari! I was searching your blog for a picture and came across this one of you and Derek Smith. I just want you to know that this gets addicting. A sure sign that you've gone too far is when you start putting make up on family members pictures or you use Eric Carr's or Vinnie Vincent's make-up!

Derek Smith was a real character and a very nice kid. I hadn't seen him since college, and I talked to him briefly a couple of weeks ago under some sad circumstances. I have some real nice memories of Derek in college.

He appeared on a live TV show that I got to have in college. My brother, who also went to college with us, was the director. The night Derek was the guest, Dave got mad at something, threw a fit, and walked off swearing.

While you can't hear really hear the profanity specifically, you can tell something's going on. Derek's reaction is priceless when Dave up and leaves! I can't remember how we got out of it, and to a break, because Dave was the director and he ran the board.

Derek married one of the girls from the Minot State University theatre department - Aili Davidson. I was in a play with them both called the Musical Radio Comedy Murders of 1940. I was the goody guy comedian, and Ali was the evil German maid.

The climatic scene of this play involved me hitting her over the head with a bottle and saving the day. Every time that I had to do this, I think I borrowed a move from the great Dynamite Kid and stomped my feet as I pretended to to bonk Aili with the bottle.

This bottle was so thick, I swear, it was like something Orson Welles would have drank out of. ("Ahhhhhhhh, the French ... Youtube Orson Welles if you're curious. It's the first thing that comes up.)

At the last performance, I go to hit Aili with the bottle, and THUD! I had actually hit her on the head. I remember not being able to say some of my last lines because I kept looking back to make that I hadn't knocked Aili out.

Afterwards, she said she was fine, and hopefully, she didn't have any permanent damage. I feel like a jerk thinking about it now.

Another time, for reasons that I can't remember, somehow Derek and I ended up getting hired by SRT - the local telephone company - to appear at their annual dinner.

The theme was connected to 'Back to the Future' ... therefore, we were hired to be characters from the movie. Derek was Michael J. Fox and I was Christopher Lloyd.

I remember that I had a horrible fever, and I was really sick, but the entertainment value alone of doing this was worth it.

The special guest speaker at the dinner was former Minnesota Vikings halfback Chuck Foreman. After Derek and I finished our 'Back to the Future' bit, Chuck got up and started his speech by saying, "Those were the two craziest white guys I ever saw.".

I guess Chuck Foreman's never met Phil Spector.

Took me a while ...

Don't know who the dude is, but consider yourself Gene-ized!

This is my best friend.

His favorite song is "Stacey's Mom". He also loves "Everyday I Write the Book" by Elvis Costello, "Another Postcard" by the Barenaked Ladies, and "The Hypnotist" by Adam Sandler.

There are many things he loves and many things he hates.

He has lived in 6 different places in his life, and he has left behind a girlfriend in just about every town.

When he gets too much sugar or not enough sleep, he gets like a 3 foot version of a drugged up Goodbye Yellow Brick Road-era Elton John.

He makes me laugh every day. He calls me many names and knows how to tell a joke.

He loves going to the park with his sister.

He looks like his mother. (Thank God.)

Before we knew, I was sure he was going to be a girl. His name would have been Addison.

He dances with his fingers, and he hates sleeping alone.

His big brother is his hero ... he calls him "Bro".

He learned to talk very early. His first name for his mother was "Umi".

The day he was born was my favorite moment on the planet.

I first saw him walk at the Piedmont Triad International Airport in Greensboro, NC. (He had learned how to walk while I was gone to Norman, OK, and he was standing there waiting for me when I got back. As I came up, he was crying, and then he took two steps towards me.)

He calls me his best friend. He always has.

He is 1/5 of the best family ever.

By special request ...

Dang ... tight spot!
Jason Wood - applying Kiss make up to celebrities' pictures for well over two decades!

Looking at a map, Florida kinda looks dirty.

I worked as a television cameraman for 7 and a half years. It was a profession I never would have imagined myself doing. News photographers are the meat & potatoes of the TV business, and for anyone who has ever known me - "meat" is not anywhere in my definition at all. There are eunuchs who out "meat" me!

While I went to school for broadcasting, I stumbled into this crazy business because of my wife. She had a job as a reporter at the time. On weekends, there was no photographer, so she would have shoot and report at the same time.

One weekend she got this assignment on a dude who held cross country skiing poetry readings. He'd take a group out, ski for a while, and then stop recite original poetry.

It's difficult to shoot a video camera and cross country ski at the same time, so Kristin asked me to come and shoot video while she and a group full of avid cross country skiers/poetry lovers.

I was the only person without skis! Unfortunately, it meant I had to run thru snow drifts to keep up these people.

When they would stop, I would have to catch up and film everybody while they listened intently. I was a pack and a half smoker at the time, and already out of shape. You could hear me huffing and puffing all over the natural sound on the camera.

From there, I was hooked. When Kristin got a job in southwest Florida in 1999, I took a job at a competing station as a photographer.

We spent two entertaining years there, and I have a ton of wild and bizarre stories for the crazy and bizarre folks from all over the world who made their way to the land of sunshine.

Like the time I got accosted inside in a Fort Myers trailer park by an angry old couple who wanted to know why I was there shooting. After I explained to them that we were here to do a story about saving their trailer park, they proceeded to curse and scream at me and the reporter.

The husband wanted to fight me, and at one point, took a step towards me with his fist out. He pointed to a sign that said, "No Soliciting". He said, "See that sign, it says no soliciting ... that means no bullsh*tting around.". (Next time you see a No Soliciting sign, remember that it means "no bullsh*tting around.")

The comedic thing was that we had permission to be there, and we had already finished the story. So, I calmly walked to the news truck, and put my camera away. The entire time, the wife is yelling at me, calling me a "real business man." (I swear to God, it was like David Mamet was writing their material. I half expected the wife to offer to buy me a pack a gum and offer to teach me how to chew it!)

I have this on tape. As a photographer in the middle of an incident, you record everything. Just in case. You never know what's going to happen.

Another time, I was sent to get some "video" of a "house" and "some dogs". These words were important because along with the address, they were the only information I had for the story.

When I showed up to shoot the "house" and "some dogs" - I found myself in the middle of the slum section of Fort Myers, FL. Say what you want about parts of LA or Chicago or Detroit, but from what I've been told, the hood in Fort Myers is just as dangerous and graphic as I've seen on any newscast or any movie.

At night, you don't go there. The NAACP called it the most economically segregated city in the south, and that's frightening when you consider that includes the entire states of Alabama, Louisiana, and Georgia.

Thankfully, this was day time though.

As I got out and set up in front of the house, three very large Doberman pinchers came out into the gated front yard and proceeded to bark incessantly at me. I got my usual shots, and was pretty much finished, when an SUV rolled hard up on the sidewalk.

3 very large men got and started to yell at me, telling me to get the fuck away from their house. One guy grabbed a large cinder block from a nearby yard, and says, "If you don't get the f*ck out of here now, I'm gonna hit you with this.".

At this point, I am getting the f*ck out of here now. As I'm quickly packing up, I say the only thing I can think of, "Hey, I'm on your guys' side, we just wanted to get your side of the story.". (In times of crisis, I'm either stupidly cocky or ridiculously chicken sh*t. That day, chicken sh*t was on the order.)

One of the guys says, "That's fine, come back tomorrow in the afternoon after our court date. Maybe we'll talk to ya' then.".

I head back to the station, and relayed the entire story to the newsroom. Somebody calls the news director, and I got this stern message passed on to me, that "We are never on somebody's side. We are the media.". Funny, I could have sworn something Frank McCahill taught at Minot State University about the role of a journalist, being impartial and on the side of the people. I think later in that chapter he did say, "Unless you may be hit by a concrete cinder block. Then ... the sh*t's off.".

Turns out that the "house" I had shot was a local den of drug dealing and dog fighting. What made this "house" newsworthy was that undercover police chased a suspect into this yard, the suspects friends decided unleash five large German Doberman pincher's onto the pursuing cops. One dog was shot and killed, and another was seriously injured and later put down. This would have been nice to have known before I got into a discussion with the accused unleashers. (Obviously, Mr. Chicken Sh*t made the right choice.)

The follow up to the story is that I got sent back to the area the next day. This time, I went with a reporter, James Irby.

I miss James. Whenever we were short on time, he'd volunteer to drive. Imagine going down the road at 85 MPH, trying to edit in backseat of a Ford conversion van/TV Live Truck while James blasted DMX's Up in Here. I swear we took one bump once on Del Prado Blvd and the truck was airborne. (It was like that scene in Ferris Bueller's Day off where the valet parkers take off with Cameron's dad's car.)

Anyway, James and I went to the "house" and sure enough, the same group of guys were hanging around outside. They came over to the news truck, and started to talking with James. When they recognized me, one of guys said , "It's motherf*ckin' Stone Cold Steve Austin!" --- I guess in reference to my shaved head and goatee. Or my fat gut. Or both.

Lots of time in news, it's waiting. Waiting for somebody to decide if they are willing to do an interview. Sometimes, you and the reporter sit in the truck and wait.

One night, we were waiting outside a Fort Myers house to see if we could get an interview an this 18 year old kid named Michael, who was accused of sending threatening e-mails to a survivor of the Columbine school shooting.

I was working for WBBH/WZVN at the time, and I was with this reporter named Erik Levine. I feel bad saying this because I am nothing to look at, but Erik looked like Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer. (I liked Erik, but he is forever in my bad books because he didn't stand by the camera like I asked him, while I tuned in a live shot one night. The camera fell and busted in half. I lost a good camera and got a day's suspension.)

Erik could always get the interview. And sure enough, Michael was willing to talk. He met us at the door, and everything was all dramatic and dark in the house. He said that he was misunderstood, and that he was merely acting out a character. We set up and started rolling on the interview when the door burst open.

It was Michael's mother.

In a voice that sounded like George's mother on Seinfeld, she created a catchphrase that stuck with me for years, when she said to her son, "Michael, in my own home!".

Michael's mother had given him explicit instructions not to talk to anybody. Especially not Erik Levine from WBBH.

The next two minutes turned into sitcom, as Michael's mom read him and Erik the riot act. "I told you, Michael," she said, "that I was going to Steak and Shake with Linda, and that you were to not to talk to the TV people!".

Erik's sitting there, apologizing, she starts in on him. "Erik," she said, "I told you. Michael can't talk. He's going to be in court next week. I told you. And you did this ... in my own home!".

Me? I just kept recording.

Some times, it's not so funny the stuff you see. Crashed cars, sick children, bodies with white sheets across them. I look forward to living the next 3/4 of my life never having to watch EMT remove someone from a crushed tractor trailer.

But what's more scary is the stuff underneath. The stuff that eventually surfaces thru either somebody's courage or bullsh*t luck.

The main anchor of WFTX Fox 4 had an assignment for sweeps. Beth Shelburne was her name and she was a lot of fun, and a really good reporter too. We went downtown in Fort Myers one night to do interviews about sex and monogamy in relationships. (Your usual ratings fare.) We interviewed this one couple and asked them all types of questions about their relationship. It was cheesy and fun. (Your usual ratings fare.)

A short while later, a baby's body gets found in the woods outside of town. They eventually traced it back to the couple we interviewed in downtown Fort Myers. It was one of the production assistants, Heather, who discovered it. She had come along on the interviews for experience, and it her who remembers interviewing them.

Both the husband and wife were now suspects, and on the run. Eventually, they tracked the couple down - separately. It was freaky to watch the interview again, under the context of what happened. Last time I remember, they were trying to determine if the husband was competent to stand trial.

Another time, a reporter and I went to cover a fishing tournament for kids with handicaps. It was a weekend story - the type you try to have as much with as possible. The kids were fabulous ... they always are!

But the dude that ran it ind of gave me the creeps. He was an older man, who looked a lot like C. Everett Coop. He was in a wheelchair, but he said he didn't necessarily need it.

Anyway, I put together the story and stayed thru the newscast to run one of the sports cameras. About two minutes after the story aired, the phone rang. I answered it. The person on the other line said, "I just watched that story about the fishing tournament, and the guy who runs it should not be allowed around kids. When I was a child, that son of bitch sexually assaulted me when my mother was with him.".

Holy sh*t.

This opened up a complex, high detailed story that involved the fishing tournament guy and a history of sexual assault with children. How this guy got anywhere near kids is amazing.

By now this had turned into a huge story, and a different reporter got assigned to it. I remember that Mr. Fishing Man met with the reporter and myself in a public place. He brought along his wife and met us at Perkins.

He begged us not to release the story as it would kill his credibility and work in the community. Up until that point in my life, it was twenty of the most intense minutes I've ever spent. All I can say is that I think I have met the devil, or a close proximity.

Me and the reporter left the restaurant and aired the story. I had tons of video of this guy kissing and hugging kids at the fishing tournament and him meeting us at Perkins. I have no clue where he is now. Hopefully in jail.

It wasn't all dark and creepy in SW Florida. I also got to meet Regis Philbin.

It was around the time Who Wants to Be a Millionaire was taking off. Apparently, every market that Regis went, he was indebted to meet with the local ABC affiliate and do a story.

He and Don Rickles came thru on a tour. And we got a chance to watch him rehearse. Afterwards, we did the interview.

The entire time I was dying inside thinking , "I'd love to do Dana Carvey impersonation of him. Cody ... what kind of name is Cody to name a boy!!!"

Thank God I didn't.

At the end of it, he looks at him and says, in that voice, "Jason, how did it look?". I said that he looked great! Regis looks at me and says, "The lighting was terrible, we're gonna have to do it again!!".

It makes me wonder how many times he did that joke to local ABC cameraman all over America.

Kristin and I spent two years there. There were so many great memories. We stood on the beach at ocean on Christmas Day. We saw DisneyWorld and Universal Studios and Seaworld. The kids had a great time, and there were so many wild and crazy people in at that little Fox station in Cape Coral.

Some time I'll tell you about Tim Kinney and the cleanest joke I ever heard. And don't let me forget to mention Mark Current and Jeff Yarlett. If you're lucky, you'll hear about MDA kids hitting on television anchors or going to a nudist colony with Chip McAfee ... and his wife.

Now go to bed.